Sunday, March 1, 2009
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
New Years resolutions
1. be wiser with my money
2. spend more time outdoors
3. get better at saying "no"
4. worry less
5. spend more time reading my Bible
6. go to the gym more often than once a month
7. call my dad
8. keep my room clean
9. become more fluent in french
10. stop sleeping in on Sundays
11. get a tattoo
12. watch more sunrises
1. be wiser with my money
2. spend more time outdoors
3. get better at saying "no"
4. worry less
5. spend more time reading my Bible
6. go to the gym more often than once a month
7. call my dad
8. keep my room clean
9. become more fluent in french
10. stop sleeping in on Sundays
11. get a tattoo
12. watch more sunrises
Sunday, November 23, 2008
change.
I've been sort of emotional lately. it's weird. i'm not sure how i feel about it yet.
18 months seattle.
Friday, October 31, 2008
not just for kids.
some words of wisdom from Winnie the pooh:
You can't stay in your corner of the Forest waiting for others to come to you. You have to go to them sometimes.
You can't stay in your corner of the Forest waiting for others to come to you. You have to go to them sometimes.
A bear, however hard he tries, grows tubby without exercise.
A little Consideration, a little Thought for Others, makes all the difference.
Always watch where you are going. Otherwise, you may step on a piece of the Forest that was left out by mistake.
Don't underestimate the value of Doing Nothing, of just going along, listening to all the things you can't hear, and not bothering.
I don't see much sense in that," said Rabbit. "No," said Pooh humbly, "there isn't. But there was going to be when I began it. It's just that something happened to it along the way.
If ever there is tomorrow when we’re not together.. there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we’re apart.. I’ll always be with you.
If the person you are talking to doesn't appear to be listening, be patient. It may simply be that he has a small piece of fluff in his ear.
If there ever comes a day when we can't be together keep me in your heart, I'll stay there forever.
If you live to be 100, I hope I live to be 100 minus 1 day, so I never have to live without you.
It is more fun to talk with someone who doesn't use long, difficult words but rather short, easy words like "What about lunch?"
Promise me you'll never forget me because if I thought you would I'd never leave.
Rivers know this: there is no hurry. We shall get there some day.
Some people care too much, I think it's called love.
Sometimes, if you stand on the bottom rail of a bridge and lean over to watch the river slipping slowly away beneath you, you will suddenly know everything there is to be known.
They're funny things, Accidents. You never have them till you're having them.
"Well," said Pooh, "what I like best -- " and then he had to stop and think. Because although Eating Honey was a very good thing to do, there was a moment just before you began to eat it which was better than when you were, but he didn't know what it was called.
When late morning rolls around and you're feeling a bit out of sorts, don't worry; you're probably just a little eleven o'clockish.
When you are a Bear of Very Little Brain, and Think of Things, you find sometimes that a Thing which seemed very Thingish inside you is quite different when it gets out into the open and has other people looking at it.
Saturday, October 25, 2008
a bit scattered
Some days I feel confident, ready for the world's challenges. I feel prepared, calm and collected. I feel like I have at least some of the answers and I'm ready to move forward. On these days my hair goes just right and I wear my nice jeans and my button up shirt.
Other days i feel more whimsical and dream of a different life. i dream of starting a revolution, changing the world. i also feel very unprepared and nothing is planned. On these days my hair is a bit crazy and i wear my flip flops and sundresses. sometimes i don't even match.
I need to find some sort of balance.
lately I've been thinking a lot about what it would be like to have a dad. well obviously I do have a dad, but what would it be like to really have a dad? To have that person who teaches you things when your younger, who you look up to as superman or a hero. The typical "over protective" father who interrogates every boy you date and tries to keep his little girl safe from all the evilness in the world. I have so many friends who have amazing relationships with their fathers. They do things with them that I find to be so foreign; go on "date nights," talk about problems, go for walks.I remember asking one of my friends in elementary school what it was like having such a "nice daddy." She said he had too many rules and then asked me if I knew that her daddy was the strongest man in the world.
I often wonder what would that be like? how different would my life be, if at all? would I view the world any differently?
I don't really think about this in a sad light, however. More just genuine curiosity about what it's like. I'm not really sure why I'm not more sad about it. Maybe I should be? I don't know.
Other days i feel more whimsical and dream of a different life. i dream of starting a revolution, changing the world. i also feel very unprepared and nothing is planned. On these days my hair is a bit crazy and i wear my flip flops and sundresses. sometimes i don't even match.
I need to find some sort of balance.
lately I've been thinking a lot about what it would be like to have a dad. well obviously I do have a dad, but what would it be like to really have a dad? To have that person who teaches you things when your younger, who you look up to as superman or a hero. The typical "over protective" father who interrogates every boy you date and tries to keep his little girl safe from all the evilness in the world. I have so many friends who have amazing relationships with their fathers. They do things with them that I find to be so foreign; go on "date nights," talk about problems, go for walks.I remember asking one of my friends in elementary school what it was like having such a "nice daddy." She said he had too many rules and then asked me if I knew that her daddy was the strongest man in the world.
I often wonder what would that be like? how different would my life be, if at all? would I view the world any differently?
I don't really think about this in a sad light, however. More just genuine curiosity about what it's like. I'm not really sure why I'm not more sad about it. Maybe I should be? I don't know.
Friday, October 17, 2008
this I believe
For my english class we had to write a paper on what we believe. I found writing this paper to truly be a journey of self discovery and it really opened my eyes to a lot of things I was not even aware about myself. Reading it in front of the class was especially powerful because of the fact that I hardly ever open up to my close friends about my past, yet alone a classroom full of people I only just met a couple of months ago. It was also extrmely moving to hear some of the stories of other people in my class.
Anyways, I just thought I would share the beginning and conclusion of the paper since the entire paper is 5 pages and who honestly wants to read 5 pages?
As a young child, I saw my mother as the most amazing woman in the world. She was strong, beautiful, and capable of anything; I wanted to be just like her. As I got older, I began realizing that other people did not see my mother in the same light I did. When she pulled out her “special colorful money” at the grocery store I began seeing looks of pity and disgust. They were looking at my mother like she had done something wrong; like her special money was not a “blessing from God” as she had called it, but instead something evil. I began hearing people use words like “welfare,” whisper things like “she shouldn’t have even had kids,” and yell things like “get a job!” It wasn’t long before people in our church also started talking about this “welfare” and how wrong it was. They couldn’t even look my mother in the eye. None of it made sense to me. My mother was caring, loving, and kind and yet I seemed to be the only person in the world who saw her in this light.
As an adult I now realize that I was seeing my mother the way that God sees her, I was looking at her heart and nothing else. I believe that a person’s heart reveals who they truly are. The heart represents what a person really thinks and believes about anything. The heart of a person "is that person” for it defines who we are by excluding personality issues or outward appearance. The heart is what a person truly is, not what a person appears to be. The heart reveals to us the sum of who a person is once all the masks and outer wraps are pulled off. Thus, when I look at the heart of a mother on welfare I do not see them as “lazy” or “helpless” because that would simply be judging them based on outward appearances. Instead, I see them as determined and simply trying to do what is best for their family. I do not see them as “weak” but instead as stronger than I will ever be, strengthened by many trying circumstances and multiple heart breaks. In the same way, when I look at a prostitute I do not look at them with disgust or see them as simply a “prostitute” but instead as a woman who has been through unimaginable pain, a woman like Gomer whom God loved with all of His heart. Similarly, when I look at a drug addict or an alcoholic I do not see a vile person but, instead, I see my dad. I see someone who is hurting and has a deep void in their life which they are desperately trying to fill with things of this world.
It is my ultimate wish that we could all only see people’s inner beauty. I often wonder how different our world would be if those who are normally considered “ugly” or “evil” were considered to be beautiful and righteous because of whom they were on the inside. I also wonder how different many of the “successful” and respected people of our day would look if we could only see them for who they truly were. I find this wish of mine being constantly crushed, however, by a society which suggests that we are already capable of seeing who a person truly is simply by looking at their appearance or their actions. My dreams are crushed by a society which tells me that there is no true purpose in looking at the hearts of prostitutes or a drug addicts because there is essentially nothing to look at.
Even so, my belief does not die down because I remember that I was once able to see the heart of a drug addict and the heart of a mother on welfare. I was once able to see that a drug addict is more than simply a drug addict and a mother on welfare is more than simply a welfare recipient for they are both living, breathing people with hearts and souls. It is because I know this and can see this that I will always know the truth; the truth that there is indeed something to look at and that something is completely beautiful.
Anyways, I just thought I would share the beginning and conclusion of the paper since the entire paper is 5 pages and who honestly wants to read 5 pages?
As a young child, I saw my mother as the most amazing woman in the world. She was strong, beautiful, and capable of anything; I wanted to be just like her. As I got older, I began realizing that other people did not see my mother in the same light I did. When she pulled out her “special colorful money” at the grocery store I began seeing looks of pity and disgust. They were looking at my mother like she had done something wrong; like her special money was not a “blessing from God” as she had called it, but instead something evil. I began hearing people use words like “welfare,” whisper things like “she shouldn’t have even had kids,” and yell things like “get a job!” It wasn’t long before people in our church also started talking about this “welfare” and how wrong it was. They couldn’t even look my mother in the eye. None of it made sense to me. My mother was caring, loving, and kind and yet I seemed to be the only person in the world who saw her in this light.
As an adult I now realize that I was seeing my mother the way that God sees her, I was looking at her heart and nothing else. I believe that a person’s heart reveals who they truly are. The heart represents what a person really thinks and believes about anything. The heart of a person "is that person” for it defines who we are by excluding personality issues or outward appearance. The heart is what a person truly is, not what a person appears to be. The heart reveals to us the sum of who a person is once all the masks and outer wraps are pulled off. Thus, when I look at the heart of a mother on welfare I do not see them as “lazy” or “helpless” because that would simply be judging them based on outward appearances. Instead, I see them as determined and simply trying to do what is best for their family. I do not see them as “weak” but instead as stronger than I will ever be, strengthened by many trying circumstances and multiple heart breaks. In the same way, when I look at a prostitute I do not look at them with disgust or see them as simply a “prostitute” but instead as a woman who has been through unimaginable pain, a woman like Gomer whom God loved with all of His heart. Similarly, when I look at a drug addict or an alcoholic I do not see a vile person but, instead, I see my dad. I see someone who is hurting and has a deep void in their life which they are desperately trying to fill with things of this world.
It is my ultimate wish that we could all only see people’s inner beauty. I often wonder how different our world would be if those who are normally considered “ugly” or “evil” were considered to be beautiful and righteous because of whom they were on the inside. I also wonder how different many of the “successful” and respected people of our day would look if we could only see them for who they truly were. I find this wish of mine being constantly crushed, however, by a society which suggests that we are already capable of seeing who a person truly is simply by looking at their appearance or their actions. My dreams are crushed by a society which tells me that there is no true purpose in looking at the hearts of prostitutes or a drug addicts because there is essentially nothing to look at.
Even so, my belief does not die down because I remember that I was once able to see the heart of a drug addict and the heart of a mother on welfare. I was once able to see that a drug addict is more than simply a drug addict and a mother on welfare is more than simply a welfare recipient for they are both living, breathing people with hearts and souls. It is because I know this and can see this that I will always know the truth; the truth that there is indeed something to look at and that something is completely beautiful.
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
see how the lillies of the field grow
Today I experienced one of the most emotionally charged classes I've ever experienced in my life. My hands are literally shaking as I type this because so many emotions are still surging through me, even 3 hours after the class as already ended. I truly felt the presence of God in the class room and it was absolutely amazing.
It started off as a normal class (well actually this class is never "normal," it's raw, emotional, exciting, sometimes extremely frusterating, and I've learned more about myself in these last few weeks then I ever have. more on this in a later blog.) The professor asked how everyone's day was yesterday and a girl shared that she went wedding dress shopping with her friend who's getting married soon. she saw a beautiful dress and decided to try it on just for fun even though she had already bought hers. After she put it on, she immediately began sobbing because she realized that this was THE dress that she was supposed to get married in, but it was too late because she had already bought one. The professor asked her how much it was and when she told him 650 dollars he casually said "ok, I'll write you a check."
Everyone in the class looked around in disbelief. Was he being serious? Or was he just saying that so that he could later make a point about the class?
We soon discovered that he was in fact being serious. He said money has absolutely no value to him and when he heard this girl tell her story he felt God tugging at his heart and he knew that God wanted him to give her the money. He explained that he knows that the money ultimately is not his but it is God's and it is up to God what he does with the money, so if God is telling him to give it to her then he said he had to give it to her. He explained that in his opinion there is no difference between 1 dollar and 1,000 dollars because none of it is his, it is God's.
He then asked if anyone in the class needed money for lunch. At first everyone was once again unsure if he was being serious or not so no one raised their hand. Finally, however, a girl raised her hand and the professor gladly pulled out his wallet and handed her 5 dollars. She immediately began sobbing and explained that this 5 dollars, although it may seem like nothing to us, meant as much as the 650 dollars meant to the other girl. She explained that she has been going through extreme financial difficulties recently, so bad in fact that she couldn't even afford to replace her lost i.d. card. Because of this she was not able to get food in the caf so she had been worrying and praying all day about how she was going to get lunch today. After hearing her story almost everyone in the room was now at least a little teary eyed and people began going through their wallets and handing her any money they had. It was truly a beautiful sight.
One girl in the class then pulled out her Bible and began reading Matthew 6:25-34
"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."
Even though the professor never got around to actually starting the lecture he had prepared for today, I believe that I learned more in that class then any lecture has ever taught me. It was absolutely amazing to see people giving from their hearts to a girl most of them did not even know. It was also truly inspiring to see the professor give away such a large sum of money without even giving it a second thought because he knew it was God's will. I hear people say all the time "everything in this world is God's not ours so we shouldn't care at all about our possessions," but I have often times found this much easier said than done. I know that this statement is true, but I often have a hard time fully applying it in my own life. So to see my professor completely acknowledge this truth and actually put it into action was truly inspiring.
It started off as a normal class (well actually this class is never "normal," it's raw, emotional, exciting, sometimes extremely frusterating, and I've learned more about myself in these last few weeks then I ever have. more on this in a later blog.) The professor asked how everyone's day was yesterday and a girl shared that she went wedding dress shopping with her friend who's getting married soon. she saw a beautiful dress and decided to try it on just for fun even though she had already bought hers. After she put it on, she immediately began sobbing because she realized that this was THE dress that she was supposed to get married in, but it was too late because she had already bought one. The professor asked her how much it was and when she told him 650 dollars he casually said "ok, I'll write you a check."
Everyone in the class looked around in disbelief. Was he being serious? Or was he just saying that so that he could later make a point about the class?
We soon discovered that he was in fact being serious. He said money has absolutely no value to him and when he heard this girl tell her story he felt God tugging at his heart and he knew that God wanted him to give her the money. He explained that he knows that the money ultimately is not his but it is God's and it is up to God what he does with the money, so if God is telling him to give it to her then he said he had to give it to her. He explained that in his opinion there is no difference between 1 dollar and 1,000 dollars because none of it is his, it is God's.
He then asked if anyone in the class needed money for lunch. At first everyone was once again unsure if he was being serious or not so no one raised their hand. Finally, however, a girl raised her hand and the professor gladly pulled out his wallet and handed her 5 dollars. She immediately began sobbing and explained that this 5 dollars, although it may seem like nothing to us, meant as much as the 650 dollars meant to the other girl. She explained that she has been going through extreme financial difficulties recently, so bad in fact that she couldn't even afford to replace her lost i.d. card. Because of this she was not able to get food in the caf so she had been worrying and praying all day about how she was going to get lunch today. After hearing her story almost everyone in the room was now at least a little teary eyed and people began going through their wallets and handing her any money they had. It was truly a beautiful sight.
One girl in the class then pulled out her Bible and began reading Matthew 6:25-34
"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."
Even though the professor never got around to actually starting the lecture he had prepared for today, I believe that I learned more in that class then any lecture has ever taught me. It was absolutely amazing to see people giving from their hearts to a girl most of them did not even know. It was also truly inspiring to see the professor give away such a large sum of money without even giving it a second thought because he knew it was God's will. I hear people say all the time "everything in this world is God's not ours so we shouldn't care at all about our possessions," but I have often times found this much easier said than done. I know that this statement is true, but I often have a hard time fully applying it in my own life. So to see my professor completely acknowledge this truth and actually put it into action was truly inspiring.
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